Room Change

So i just got an email this morning saying that my room assignment for next semester got changed. Now I am rooming on the same floor as my two best guy friends, and this guy whos been sorta trying to "get with" me. I don't know how I feel about this all. It will be weird because their floor is all close already, and now Im going to be an intruder.

Temporary

Coming home for winter break is a strange thing. Home life and College life are two very different things and living one means putting the other on hold. This has never really set in since I was living my College life for about four months with only a couple weekends at home. My highest problem is that I haven't completely divided the two and therefore while I'm living one life I have to think about how it will impact the other. Boys are the issue that arise the most. At home I have a guy that I generally always get with. We've dated on and off for about four years and when I come home we fall back into our old ways, the reason this is bad is because since we've never fully broken up, while I'm at school I still feel a connection and like I owe him the courtesy of telling him if I get with another guy. I know for a fact that if I ended up getting a boyfriend at school I would feel like I cheated on him.

The strange thing about winter break is that this guy and I have decided to be sort of like a temporary official couple. This is cool because then I don't have to feel like we are just friends with benefits, even though I am aware that we are way more than that. Maybe at the end of this break he will want to end things permanently and officially. I know I would be heartbroken but honestly it could be for the best, however I will never end it with him, because I do love him and don't want to let someone as great as him get away.

As for now I am living my home life, which I suppose is know my temporary life. It's the strangest feeling when your house is no longer your home.

Winter Break

Winter break is suppose to be chill and relaxting and yet in the past three days I have never felt so sick to my so sick to my stomach. With discovering that my sister has been self harming, my parents constantly look on the verge of a break down and I always am. I hate beingin my house and Im using reading, working out and my..boyfriend? as a distraction. I went to this guys house tonight after discovering my family had taken my sister to the hospital while I was at work. Unable to handel seeing my parents trying to hold it all together I decided I needed to leave and took the guy up on the invite to come over, since he knew how upset I was and how much I didn't want to go into my house.
He was super sweet the entire night and when I was leaving he said he wanted to date me, but realized it was dumb to get serious again since I'm leaving in a month to go back to school. Basically he said the wasnt going to be getting with any other girls, and that he was going to introduce me as his girlfriend because it was alot easier than trying to take the time to explain us to people. I'm okay with that. I need him now more than ever so I'm perfectly fine being his girlfriend while I'm home.

Just Killing Time at the Library

Super bored, just killing time in the library between getting out early from my exam and meeting up with a friend for lunch. I really do love this only one class a day, but since i rarely do shit on this campus and I dont have car I get really bored and feel like I"m wasting my day away. Theres only so much How I Met Your Mother or The Hills that I can watch on netflix. I really just want these exams to be over, and yet I think to myself, once these Exams are over what am i going to do anyways? Work. Maybe lamely hang with some friends because we cant really party back at home because our parents are ridiculous. I'll probably lay around bored and what's worse is that there will be a constant avaibility of food so I'll probably just lay around and get fat fat fat. ew.

Bad Influence

So I guess I am offically a bad influence on my little sister. I let her drink some of the vodka I have hidden at my house and she was totally an idoit and drank it at my house. If theres one thing the kids in my family know it's that you never drink at our parents house because they will ground you for life. I honestly think she's doing this stuff in hopes of getting caught and spiting them. I've decided I'm no longer going to help her with this. If she wants to drink at school with me. Fine. But I'm not going to help her self destruct at home.

Frosted

Campus was frost covered this morning. It was so pretty so depressing at the same time. I hate the cold! I hate winter! I really miss my tan and just want it to be summer again. Oh well just have to get through one more semester and I hope this one is a blast =)

Boy Confusion as usual

I finally got my period thank god. It was a terrible one that almost made me wish I was preggo (not really that would have been a disaster).

I got to see the boy (not my boyfriend because we arent tech together even though we act like it) on wednesday, it was nice and we acted in love like we always do. But as we laid in bed together (just laying no messing around) I wondered to myself, what would have happned if I had actually cut him off after we broke up for the first time? Would we have ever talked again? Would I have finally been able to move on and get with a guy who maybe I'm truly suppose to be with instead of ending every realationship because nothing can compare to how I feel about him? I get so confused about because I love being with him, and yet at the same time I know I'm not really with him, we aren't really apart of each others lives anymore. There's my life, his life and our life and that hurts, because if he really loved me he'd want our life to involve his life and my life.

Pregnancy Test

Yay its negative

Still Wating..

I'm such a punctual person...how can my period be so late.

I'm majorly freaking out.

Worries

I don't know what is worrying me more

the amount of candy i just consumed vs waiting for my late period vs college finals

Finally! - ish

So I have FINALLY gotten some sort of response back about my application for the school I am trying to transfer into next semester. Basically my online application was telling me I didn't have all my materials sent in to even be consdered. I was under the impression that I had sent everything in over two weeks ago and it had usually only taken two weeks for most of my stuff to get process. I was freaking out (I'm a control freak so if things don't happen when I think they should I get really anxious and try everything in my power to see how I can get it done.) especially because I wasn't really getting any feedback. Everytime I called admissions they put me thru to my processing lady and each time it went straight to her voicemail. I would leave a message and all my contact information but NEVER heard back. A lady even forwarded an email to her from me, but still NOTHING.

Luckily I decided to email the transfer lady and tell them my plight, and she was really sweet and went to find the lady and talk to her to figure out what was going on. Apparently they've had all my stuff since the 2nd of November and my application is on the desk of the admissions counsler and I should hear from them early next week. So happy so SO happy! This has been stressing me out, because if for some reason I don't get accepted I'm basically screwed for next semester. Everyone says I'll get accepted because it's not like some super elite school, but since I'm a transfer and not an incoming freshman it makes me nervous.

I know all I can do is wait. Right now it's all out of my hands but thats the hardest thing for me to handle.

Setting Standards and Figuring Myself Out

So lately I've been messing with my head. When I came to college I told myself that I wasn't going to start getting into relationships with every guy who showed interest, I was going to only fully be committed when it felt right. This in theory sounds like it should be easy, but all it's done is cause me and other people pain.
When I first started school I met this guy who I became close with, we hung out all the time and basically acted like we were in a relationship, but because I wanted to experience my other options whenever I would go to my friends school (which is about 7 min from mine and a bigger party school than mine) I would end up meeting or kissing some random guy. Eventually the guy at my school asked me to be his girlfriend and I said "No" because I wanted to keep free and be able to do whatver I wanted at my friends school, and I also got all scared that I would be just falling into a relationship like I did back in highschool. My perfect scenerio would be, being able to be his girlfriend at our school, and single at my friends school. Eventually he and I got in a fight and now we aren't talking.
When I got drunk friday at my friends school I had a huge melt down
1/4 because I had foolishly and drunkenly thrown myself at this guy I had sorta been talking to,
1/4 because I realized I couldn't control people like I wanted,
1/4 because I realized how stupid I was for letting the guy who asked me out go
1/4 because I've always been super into my ex from high school and the past two times I'd seen him when I was home I wasn't as in to it and I hate being confused about him because I love knowing that I have this strong passion for someone that I've always had for him.

This melt down proved to me that I really need to start rethinking my life in terms of guys. So for now I am swearing off guys. I really need to decide what I want. I am switching school next semester to my friend's school so I think once I'm away from here I'll be able to forget about this guy, but the stuff with my ex still confuses me. I saw him this past weekend and fell for him all over again, but it's stressful because I want to not mess around with other guys to show him that I am loyal to him, yet at the sametime this feels so foolish because we are suppose to be trying to get over each other. I know he loves me, and I know he knows I love him, but somtimes situations just cause it not to work out. I read in a book once that the reason highschool love rarely works is not because the love is any less real, but becausse it finds itself at such an inconvienant time.
I also talked to the guy I had thrown myself at, and I explained to him that I needed to figure things out with my head before he and I did anything again. He isn't looking for anything serious and right now neither am I, but still just for the sake of making sure I don't lead people on again, I want to figure out my head.

Soooo no more silly guy stuff until next semester!! Hopefully I can hold to that!
I need to make a list or a policy about guys during winter break. And I've also decided I'm not drinking again until next semester and this time around I'm going to learn to A. not drink so much and B. not be so annoying when I drink

Time Is Not On My Side =(

I wish time could just freeze for a little so I could get some serious work done! I have so much studying to do for friday, and I know I could get it all done and make it awesome if I had more time.

(Yes I'm aware I'm totally wasting the little time I have writing this, when this blog doesn't have any followers anywayssss, but oh well procrastination's a bitch)

The Job

I'm basically jumping off the walls right now! I ended up getting the seasonal job at the make up place by my house. This is so exciting!
Its sort of weird though because I really don't wear that much make up and what I do wear I usually try to make it look natural but because I am working for a make up company I have to wear a full face of make up. I'm excited to learn how to really do make up, but it's also going to be sort of annoying at first. Oh well at least I got the job! =)

Hickery Dickery...Fuck my Phone

So I went to the Hickery BBQ last night with my friends for a party and ended up dropping my phone on the ground. I was a wee bit intoxicated so everything felt like a dream causing me to convince myself that I would wake up in the morning with my phone in hand even though I left it on the floor of the resturant. I don't know how I was able to convince myself that everything would work out in the morning like some sort of magic trick. Either way I went about my night phoneless fully convinced I would have it back in the morning.

When I woke up this morning I realized my phone was not in hand and I had indeed left it at the resturant, so I called them and thank goodness some angel had my back and turned it in. I went to pick it up on my way home and they wouldn't give it to me!! The stupid guy apparently didn't want to get introuble and accidently give it to the wrong person even though I could describe exactly what it looked like, miss calls on it and everything. Eventually I had to give up so I could make it back in time for my interview. Once I was already on my way the resturant called back and told me I could come back and pick up my phone...sigh. I told them I would try to send someone in to come get it later, so hopefully my friend will be a doll and pick it up for me. Poor guy does so much for me.

So this weekend I am phoneless...=(
But who knows maybe this is a good thing, I have so much homework to get done while I'm back home and I wasn't planning on going out with anyone from here either so I guess if I was going to lose my phone this is as good as time as ever.

Honesty...It's Friday!!

I'm not going to lie: Each and every friday morning I wake up with Rebecca Black's "Friday" stuck in my head. Of course I don't actually know the entire or even the majority of the song, resulting me in singing (or more so thinking) "It's friday, friday gotta get down on friday..." over and over and over again to the point I almost wish it wasn't friday just so this blasted phrase wouldn't be haunting me.

Years from now I picture myself: A little old creepy lady, an eerily lit room, rocking slowly in a creeking chair, muttering "It's friday, friday gotta get down on friday...".
Doesn't it just send chills down your spine?

A New Begining

In exactly one month I will be taking my first college final. *Groan*
After my week of finals it will be my birthday and I will also be going home for winter break. *Cheer*

On January 8th winter break will be over. *Groan*
The next day will be my first day at a new college with my friends. *Cheer*

Am I a failure because I'm not staying at the college I was so convinced was perfect for me even with its high cost?
Am I a failure because I'm probably going to change my major?
Last year I was the girl who was so set on her college and major when everyone else was freaking out. Here I am now when everyone is at their school and working towards their major, freaking out!
Funny isn't it? Eh...not really =/

How many times have you changed schools or majors?