Boy Confusion as usual

I finally got my period thank god. It was a terrible one that almost made me wish I was preggo (not really that would have been a disaster).

I got to see the boy (not my boyfriend because we arent tech together even though we act like it) on wednesday, it was nice and we acted in love like we always do. But as we laid in bed together (just laying no messing around) I wondered to myself, what would have happned if I had actually cut him off after we broke up for the first time? Would we have ever talked again? Would I have finally been able to move on and get with a guy who maybe I'm truly suppose to be with instead of ending every realationship because nothing can compare to how I feel about him? I get so confused about because I love being with him, and yet at the same time I know I'm not really with him, we aren't really apart of each others lives anymore. There's my life, his life and our life and that hurts, because if he really loved me he'd want our life to involve his life and my life.

Pregnancy Test

Yay its negative

Still Wating..

I'm such a punctual person...how can my period be so late.

I'm majorly freaking out.

Worries

I don't know what is worrying me more

the amount of candy i just consumed vs waiting for my late period vs college finals

Finally! - ish

So I have FINALLY gotten some sort of response back about my application for the school I am trying to transfer into next semester. Basically my online application was telling me I didn't have all my materials sent in to even be consdered. I was under the impression that I had sent everything in over two weeks ago and it had usually only taken two weeks for most of my stuff to get process. I was freaking out (I'm a control freak so if things don't happen when I think they should I get really anxious and try everything in my power to see how I can get it done.) especially because I wasn't really getting any feedback. Everytime I called admissions they put me thru to my processing lady and each time it went straight to her voicemail. I would leave a message and all my contact information but NEVER heard back. A lady even forwarded an email to her from me, but still NOTHING.

Luckily I decided to email the transfer lady and tell them my plight, and she was really sweet and went to find the lady and talk to her to figure out what was going on. Apparently they've had all my stuff since the 2nd of November and my application is on the desk of the admissions counsler and I should hear from them early next week. So happy so SO happy! This has been stressing me out, because if for some reason I don't get accepted I'm basically screwed for next semester. Everyone says I'll get accepted because it's not like some super elite school, but since I'm a transfer and not an incoming freshman it makes me nervous.

I know all I can do is wait. Right now it's all out of my hands but thats the hardest thing for me to handle.

Setting Standards and Figuring Myself Out

So lately I've been messing with my head. When I came to college I told myself that I wasn't going to start getting into relationships with every guy who showed interest, I was going to only fully be committed when it felt right. This in theory sounds like it should be easy, but all it's done is cause me and other people pain.
When I first started school I met this guy who I became close with, we hung out all the time and basically acted like we were in a relationship, but because I wanted to experience my other options whenever I would go to my friends school (which is about 7 min from mine and a bigger party school than mine) I would end up meeting or kissing some random guy. Eventually the guy at my school asked me to be his girlfriend and I said "No" because I wanted to keep free and be able to do whatver I wanted at my friends school, and I also got all scared that I would be just falling into a relationship like I did back in highschool. My perfect scenerio would be, being able to be his girlfriend at our school, and single at my friends school. Eventually he and I got in a fight and now we aren't talking.
When I got drunk friday at my friends school I had a huge melt down
1/4 because I had foolishly and drunkenly thrown myself at this guy I had sorta been talking to,
1/4 because I realized I couldn't control people like I wanted,
1/4 because I realized how stupid I was for letting the guy who asked me out go
1/4 because I've always been super into my ex from high school and the past two times I'd seen him when I was home I wasn't as in to it and I hate being confused about him because I love knowing that I have this strong passion for someone that I've always had for him.

This melt down proved to me that I really need to start rethinking my life in terms of guys. So for now I am swearing off guys. I really need to decide what I want. I am switching school next semester to my friend's school so I think once I'm away from here I'll be able to forget about this guy, but the stuff with my ex still confuses me. I saw him this past weekend and fell for him all over again, but it's stressful because I want to not mess around with other guys to show him that I am loyal to him, yet at the sametime this feels so foolish because we are suppose to be trying to get over each other. I know he loves me, and I know he knows I love him, but somtimes situations just cause it not to work out. I read in a book once that the reason highschool love rarely works is not because the love is any less real, but becausse it finds itself at such an inconvienant time.
I also talked to the guy I had thrown myself at, and I explained to him that I needed to figure things out with my head before he and I did anything again. He isn't looking for anything serious and right now neither am I, but still just for the sake of making sure I don't lead people on again, I want to figure out my head.

Soooo no more silly guy stuff until next semester!! Hopefully I can hold to that!
I need to make a list or a policy about guys during winter break. And I've also decided I'm not drinking again until next semester and this time around I'm going to learn to A. not drink so much and B. not be so annoying when I drink

Time Is Not On My Side =(

I wish time could just freeze for a little so I could get some serious work done! I have so much studying to do for friday, and I know I could get it all done and make it awesome if I had more time.

(Yes I'm aware I'm totally wasting the little time I have writing this, when this blog doesn't have any followers anywayssss, but oh well procrastination's a bitch)